well...this is a rather special topic to talk about....and it might not even be a continuation from the previous chapter....and there are no timeline given for this topic.....let's just say it's the past, present and the future.....
i gotta admit....ever since young.....there is 1 question which i could never answer others......who is my best friend? at least most people i know have one.....but when the question is directed to me, my answer is always the same....i would say that i have a group of "good friends" but i really couldn't pick one and say that he/she is the best.....i am not sure whether it's just me but i've been having weird principles ever since young....i don't know how....i don't know why.....it's just something inside of me which kind of "forces" me to accept and live up to a certain principle....no i am not talking about doing something good or bad....it's simply doing something for the sake of doing it....it's like as though i was born with it.....no idea what i'm talking bout? haha....i have no idea how to put it perfectly in words.....
ever heard of the phrase don't put all your eggs in one basket? well, i treat friendship sort of the same but from a different approach....not because i'm worried bout losing everything...but somehow....i felt that people around my life......they have a role to play.....they existed in my life for a reason....it's like they are different "keys" in unlocking all the "locks" in my life.....
of course i have problems in my life before.....but believe me or not....whenever some problems occur, it is NEVER the same person i go to and share the problems with (unless for the sake of sharing things after the problem is resolved or over)......no i am not talking about 2 or 3 different "best friend" to talk and share secrets.....i'm talking about something bigger here (or smaller...i don't know).....like i said....different people plays a different role in my life....if i were to use the phrase i said earlier....then i would have many many baskets to put all the eggs in.....arghh....no idea how to say it anymore....
anyway...putting that aside.....the next principle stuck in me is not rejecting any form of conversation.....somehow, i find it very rude if i don't answer someone....in whatever form it is....whether sms, e-mail, facebook, in real life or whatever.......this leads to something odd in my life......together with the "best friend" problem, this things made everything more complicated......
the thing is.....as long as someone keeps talking to me.....i find it hard to stop the conversation......surely, this leads to us sharing more stuff and knowing each other more.....it's a good thing isn't it? the problem comes from sharing too much...... i can't find an easy way to express all this....well let me just put it in a straightforward point form....
1.)a dilemma.....it came to a point where i have a dilemma to start a conversation....the way i see everyone around me is different from others.....rather than fixed eye on friends i know, whenever i enter a room....everyone in the room have the potential to start a conversation with me whether or not i know him/her.....over the years....it slowly became part of my life......to remain silent until others come up to me and speak first......(but sometimes i can't shut up once they started it...lol) ....therefore, i always give strangers the impression that i am a quiet and socially awkward boy.....
2.)real life friends? .....would you believe me if i say i once have an equal amount of real life friends and internet friends? it's really not hard to get to know me....one simply need to start by saying hi and who knows how our conversation will end up.....like i've said....i almost NEVER rejected any form of conversation before....(got my quick sms reply skills from there)......so....my questions is.....are internet friends considered my real friends??? there are people i speak to a lot on the internet but seldom or almost never speak to in real life....there are even some whom i've never even met before.....it's not 1 or 2 or 3 person.....it's God knows how many....i share stuff with them.....talk problems with them and many more (as long as they keep the conversation going)......the question i've always been asking myself is.....are they my good friends???
3.)girls.....before i go any deeper....we just can't deny the fact that girls are better listener than boys.....and also they tend to have lots of things to share......that's the exact thing that keeps the conversation going.....yeah i've never been in a relationship before.....(thanks to some "principle" again...=.=)....come to think of it....this problem might be a similar issue to the "best friend" problem.......oh yea i can't deny that there are several points in my life where i was very close to some girls.....but most of the time....like the "best friends" problem.....i have few friends who are close and i can't point one out.....
i have way more good girl friends than boy friends....you can say it's 85% girl vs 15% boys....at one point i was asking myself....is what i am doing right?....most of the time i take myself as a "brother" figure to most girls....but sometimes it leaves the relationship hanging around since we share so much......what's worst? again, it's not just 1 or 2 but more.....i once asked myself....can this be what people say as "flirting around???".....it might look like it....but deep down in me....that's not really the case....i don't know how others thought of me before (if they ever know bout this)......but all i ever do was to ALWAYS reply and be there and everything else will fall into place......so technically, anyone can be my good friend......more so for girls since they share and listen more than boys......
4.)secrets.....people who knows me long enough will say that i love to dig out secrets from them.....it's called "kepo" in chinese....no idea why....that's just me....i've done lot's of gossiping and secret sharing with people.....not to say that i am right or wrong.....but it's just me......so in a way....i have lots of secrets from all my friends.....the problem??? there are lots of secrets which contradicts each other.....i think that's the reason which pushes me to keep digging secrets from people.....this is also the place where i learn to have an unbiased judgement when listening to someone (good thing i guess)..... but the sad part.....if the secrets contradict each other....one of them must be lying......but oh well....i came to learnt that there is no such things as white or black in this world...everything is in the shades of grey......
there are bad mouthing going on throughout my life..... and people just don't know that others are talking bad behind them (it applies to me too).....i often hear a lot about someone from someone else.....and vice versa (@.@)......whether good or bad...i've learnt that it doesn't really matter......as i believe that no one is born evil into this world....just with different thoughts.....well at least this time, my principle opened up my eyes to see things from different perspectives.....
5.)juniors.....some of my friends used to tease me that i always do things to "attract" juniors....no i'm not bragging here.....it's just that i was a prefect (and well known for being strict) and holding some positions in high school......in a way or another, juniors get to know me through school activities and all that.....but the thing is....like most of us, we tend to look up to our seniors....especially since we are new to something and seniors tend to be way more mature than people at our age.....in short, juniors look up to seniors (whether boy or girl).....but my problem? remember my principles right? NEVER reject a conversation.....this is the main issue with it....i believe some juniors first started talking to me because well, i am their senior (committee member or leader for anything they are in)......and because of my attitude, we ended up talking a lot (mostly online or sms) and bla bla bla....you know, it leads to rumours and the usual old school stories.....
but here i am to clarify myself....i am not doing anything or tricks to attract juniors....i simply am myself....answering to anybody who asked me anything.......yeah there are cases where juniors confess that they "like" me (blush)....but please.....i can just take it that they are confuse at those moment of puberty.....i would rather say that it's because they look up to us seniors just like how i look up to my seniors during my time......i'm sure i'm not the only one who have this senior-junior issue.....lots of seniors have it.....but what's different in my case....it's that i REPLY......i answer......and once again a big thank you to my principle.....some of my friends told me before that it's like giving a "hope" to others.......it's like trying to "play" with their feelings when they are confused.....yea i felt guilty before....and i always explain to the juniors if this ever occur......
why am i saying all this??? well...now that i am 21 and looking back few years ago.......i think it's time to clarify stuff i am not mature enough to clarify during that time or simply are too blur still......well like i said....i love sharing stuff (stories) with others......whether or not this led others to think of me as something else......i still do it because of who i am....not who i am trying to be.....the only question though.....which i am confused all these years.....is......WHY???? why do i have all this principles in me.....from WHOM do they come from?? and WHERE???.....this is just plain weird.....cos there is no one in my life who ever told me....Steve.....don't get a girlfriend till you are old enough (no my parents don't have a restriction on this)......Steve.....you must always answer someone's email, sms, bla bla bla.....or Steve......you must do this or do that bla bla bla.......so why???????
by the way.....i realized this is a long post.....and like any others in this blog...i tend to write it as a public diary so i myself can view it in the future and have a thought about my past.....in other words....this blog is more for myself than other readers (yea i am selfish lol....).....and if you actually read the whole blog from top till bottom....i have only 1 word to say to you....bravo!.....
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Chapter 8-c ~Form 2 and Form 3~ others
apart from St.John and prefects, i tried to do what the school wants every students to do....have a uniform unit, being in a sport club and having another co-curriculum club......so i joined the badminton club....nothing much can be said about that....all we do is just to play badminton and have fun.....the English language society is getting boring after my seniors left.....i tried finding another club but couldn't really find an interesting one.....
being a form 3 Secretariat prefect really make getting positions easy.....i got a badminton AJK post in form 3 taking charge of a badminton session for the lower form...and this has nothing to do with the ability to play the game....i guess it's more because of my prefect's position......just like becoming a discipline leader in St.John too (which if according to experience, i lose out a lot to others in my form)
when i was in form 2, a senior came up to me and "offered" me a deal....he was the president of the Kelab Kawalan Jauh (or something like that) .....he was lacking of members and to prevent it from being shut down, he asked me to find some members for the club in promise of the position as a president when i am in form 5......i have no idea how or why in the world would he want to think so far....but i rejected it since this club makes no sense to me at all.....but when i was in form 3, me and my friends started to dislike the English Language Society and decided to quit.....then this senior once again came to me....this time with a new club....called Kelab Rekreasi.....the Kelab Kawalan Jauh was changed to this club as it covers more purpose....it sounds interesting to me so i decided to take the deal....the promise was to be a vice president in form 4 and president in form 5........it's funny right now looking back at the past....seeing how such small things have it's own politics taking place.....to ensure i have the position of the president in the future, a regulation is made that the vice president in form 4 will be the president in form 5 (the regulation is changed once i am the president....LOL)......
so that's it....i quit English language society and bring as many of my friends as possible into this new unknown club.....i guess that's the end of the English Language Society where once all of us look highly upon for being one of the best club.....but seriously, it sucks after our seniors left.......
another major incident took place when i was in form 3.....i decided to join the choral speaking competition for the first time in high school just to get an experience.....it was well known since we keep winning up till state level.....the bad thing though was that when i joined, it was a different teacher in charged.....to my horror...the script sucks big time......it was the EXACT same script as the one where my primary school used when i was in standard 5......another bad thing is the teacher wanted me to be the conductor since i was a conductor in primary school.....i find it kinda dumb actually.....because i have no experience at all as a conductor for high school choral speaking.....but i guess i don't really have a choice....since then, i have been finding a way to quit this....as i know for sure....that not only we can't win, but also i don't wanna be humiliated that much in front of a crowd...yea you can call me a coward...but seriously....i don't have all that in my mind when i decided to join this competition.....
an opportunity came when there is a MSSD badminton tournament going on the same day as the choral speaking....i know for sure that there is no way for me to win in this tournament....not even a placing.....for it is impossible to beat all those well-trained badminton players....but still, i happily go for it.....it was 2 weeks before the competition....my decision causes the teacher to be mad.....both sides kinda argued because i was signed up for both competition.....the thing is....chances of winning in either one is 0 for me.....it's no big deal...i just prefer badminton more than humiliation.....after some arguments and everything, i get what i want....i managed to quit choral speaking......the teacher forces me to apologize to the whole choral speaking team....and i did it (like a boss...lol)......yeah i do admit that it is really my fault to quit at the very last minute.....but that's what happen (and i don't regret it....>.<).......as expected, i didn't get anything from the badminton competition but the choral speaking got a 3rd place (as expected too)....but still....i am happy with my choice....=)
the bad thing though....is that the teacher spread this news to all other teachers.....many teachers came and ask me why i did that and all....some saying that i need to be more responsible and bla bla bla.......my answer during that time is simple actually....i told all teachers that i have been waiting to go for a badminton competition for a long time....and i didn't know that it clashes with choral speaking......and that i am stuck in a dilemma to choose one......i said i chose badminton because in choral speaking, there are so many others who can replace me since the number is big......well....most teacher accepted my explanation and all.....yeah i lied.....and i gotta admit that.....but what else can i say? choral speaking sucks? LOL....
so that's my life in form 2 and form 3....getting more and more interesting....=)
being a form 3 Secretariat prefect really make getting positions easy.....i got a badminton AJK post in form 3 taking charge of a badminton session for the lower form...and this has nothing to do with the ability to play the game....i guess it's more because of my prefect's position......just like becoming a discipline leader in St.John too (which if according to experience, i lose out a lot to others in my form)
when i was in form 2, a senior came up to me and "offered" me a deal....he was the president of the Kelab Kawalan Jauh (or something like that) .....he was lacking of members and to prevent it from being shut down, he asked me to find some members for the club in promise of the position as a president when i am in form 5......i have no idea how or why in the world would he want to think so far....but i rejected it since this club makes no sense to me at all.....but when i was in form 3, me and my friends started to dislike the English Language Society and decided to quit.....then this senior once again came to me....this time with a new club....called Kelab Rekreasi.....the Kelab Kawalan Jauh was changed to this club as it covers more purpose....it sounds interesting to me so i decided to take the deal....the promise was to be a vice president in form 4 and president in form 5........it's funny right now looking back at the past....seeing how such small things have it's own politics taking place.....to ensure i have the position of the president in the future, a regulation is made that the vice president in form 4 will be the president in form 5 (the regulation is changed once i am the president....LOL)......
so that's it....i quit English language society and bring as many of my friends as possible into this new unknown club.....i guess that's the end of the English Language Society where once all of us look highly upon for being one of the best club.....but seriously, it sucks after our seniors left.......
another major incident took place when i was in form 3.....i decided to join the choral speaking competition for the first time in high school just to get an experience.....it was well known since we keep winning up till state level.....the bad thing though was that when i joined, it was a different teacher in charged.....to my horror...the script sucks big time......it was the EXACT same script as the one where my primary school used when i was in standard 5......another bad thing is the teacher wanted me to be the conductor since i was a conductor in primary school.....i find it kinda dumb actually.....because i have no experience at all as a conductor for high school choral speaking.....but i guess i don't really have a choice....since then, i have been finding a way to quit this....as i know for sure....that not only we can't win, but also i don't wanna be humiliated that much in front of a crowd...yea you can call me a coward...but seriously....i don't have all that in my mind when i decided to join this competition.....
an opportunity came when there is a MSSD badminton tournament going on the same day as the choral speaking....i know for sure that there is no way for me to win in this tournament....not even a placing.....for it is impossible to beat all those well-trained badminton players....but still, i happily go for it.....it was 2 weeks before the competition....my decision causes the teacher to be mad.....both sides kinda argued because i was signed up for both competition.....the thing is....chances of winning in either one is 0 for me.....it's no big deal...i just prefer badminton more than humiliation.....after some arguments and everything, i get what i want....i managed to quit choral speaking......the teacher forces me to apologize to the whole choral speaking team....and i did it (like a boss...lol)......yeah i do admit that it is really my fault to quit at the very last minute.....but that's what happen (and i don't regret it....>.<).......as expected, i didn't get anything from the badminton competition but the choral speaking got a 3rd place (as expected too)....but still....i am happy with my choice....=)
the bad thing though....is that the teacher spread this news to all other teachers.....many teachers came and ask me why i did that and all....some saying that i need to be more responsible and bla bla bla.......my answer during that time is simple actually....i told all teachers that i have been waiting to go for a badminton competition for a long time....and i didn't know that it clashes with choral speaking......and that i am stuck in a dilemma to choose one......i said i chose badminton because in choral speaking, there are so many others who can replace me since the number is big......well....most teacher accepted my explanation and all.....yeah i lied.....and i gotta admit that.....but what else can i say? choral speaking sucks? LOL....
so that's my life in form 2 and form 3....getting more and more interesting....=)
Chapter 8-b ~Form 2 and Form 3~ Prefects
By the time i am in form 2, i can say that i am somewhat "famous" for being the everything-according-to-rules kind of prefect.....and at the same time being hated more than ever......there is nothing much going on in form 2....i was just continuing my naiveness in becoming the ideal prefect......by the end of form 2, i was given the post of the Secretariat Kafeteria, being in charge of form 1, 2 and 3 prefects...the first time i am in position to make changes or anything i want to the prefect's system during recess time.....
So, when i am in form 3, i am given more power.....i am the only form 3 who went for a Kem Waja Diri with all the form 4 prefects.....and subsequently, i am a year ahead of everything the prefects in my form will face....Since i can almost do whatever i want during recess time, i started to realize how naive i was before that.....i changed slowly from time to time.....learning when to take actions and when not to.....and i also realized how badly prefects were looked upon at by the students....besides having the power during recess time, i was given more when the senior committee keeps giving me stuff to do (which i think is because of their laziness).....i get to participate in their meetings and give suggestions and everything else........and from there i realized my potential to do something better than just being an ideal prefect......
i have a different goal then......i wanted to reshape the image of the prefects.....of course i don't have the ability to make major changes yet....but what i have is the lower form prefects and what they do during recess.....i started experimenting at the duties that prefects need to do....some looks completely pointless to me....so i keep on changing the system over and over again.....and also tried to introduce new ideas to the prefects so that all of us don't look silly standing around watching students eat......i am sure some of them were sick of me having meetings every week and coming up with new duties and a different system.....merging some duties and taking away others....i guess the system right now in the school is where i left it to be....not sure though....
form 3 is the time where i started to learn to keep an eye close to certain things....i realized that not only we must have some networking within the prefectorial board but also some with the students......it is the time where i learn to prioritized stuff.... differentiating what is needed and what is not.....and at the end of form 3....i guess i managed to reduce the hatred on me.......and by the time i am in form 4, i don't look at myself as a prefect any more....instead.....i know....that i am both a student and also a prefect......this sounds like nothing....but being able to know what i need to be helps me a lot.....form 3 marks the time i started having "2 faces".....one for the students and one for the prefects....there are more "faces" to come though..... but in form 3....classmates refer to me as the "joker" who do stupid stuff and fool around while some prefects refer to me as the strict guy who people don't want to face.......
i gotta admit it's kinda fun living that live.....its like there are more stuff to do in school...i can switch modes between a noisy student and a strict prefect..... some prefects won't believe that i am a trouble-maker in class and classmates won't believe that i am a strict prefect outside of class.....my life started to be interesting by then.....=)
So, when i am in form 3, i am given more power.....i am the only form 3 who went for a Kem Waja Diri with all the form 4 prefects.....and subsequently, i am a year ahead of everything the prefects in my form will face....Since i can almost do whatever i want during recess time, i started to realize how naive i was before that.....i changed slowly from time to time.....learning when to take actions and when not to.....and i also realized how badly prefects were looked upon at by the students....besides having the power during recess time, i was given more when the senior committee keeps giving me stuff to do (which i think is because of their laziness).....i get to participate in their meetings and give suggestions and everything else........and from there i realized my potential to do something better than just being an ideal prefect......
i have a different goal then......i wanted to reshape the image of the prefects.....of course i don't have the ability to make major changes yet....but what i have is the lower form prefects and what they do during recess.....i started experimenting at the duties that prefects need to do....some looks completely pointless to me....so i keep on changing the system over and over again.....and also tried to introduce new ideas to the prefects so that all of us don't look silly standing around watching students eat......i am sure some of them were sick of me having meetings every week and coming up with new duties and a different system.....merging some duties and taking away others....i guess the system right now in the school is where i left it to be....not sure though....
form 3 is the time where i started to learn to keep an eye close to certain things....i realized that not only we must have some networking within the prefectorial board but also some with the students......it is the time where i learn to prioritized stuff.... differentiating what is needed and what is not.....and at the end of form 3....i guess i managed to reduce the hatred on me.......and by the time i am in form 4, i don't look at myself as a prefect any more....instead.....i know....that i am both a student and also a prefect......this sounds like nothing....but being able to know what i need to be helps me a lot.....form 3 marks the time i started having "2 faces".....one for the students and one for the prefects....there are more "faces" to come though..... but in form 3....classmates refer to me as the "joker" who do stupid stuff and fool around while some prefects refer to me as the strict guy who people don't want to face.......
i gotta admit it's kinda fun living that live.....its like there are more stuff to do in school...i can switch modes between a noisy student and a strict prefect..... some prefects won't believe that i am a trouble-maker in class and classmates won't believe that i am a strict prefect outside of class.....my life started to be interesting by then.....=)
Chapter 8-a ~Form 2 and Form 3~ St John Ambulance
Well.....form 2 looks like the year where everything started for me...... somehow, the school policy changed (in a good way i guess).....they pushed all chinese into 3 classes unlike before where those "banana" chinese can only go into the first 4 classes....now, whether or not you take the Chinese language subject, you have to be only in the last 3 classes (not streamed according to grades)....so....whether i like it or not, i am now in a class full of chinese students (at least about 50% is chinese) and also I will need to attend the Chinese language class which makes everything even more awkward.......
but it doesn't look bad after some time....i became closer to the chinese group of people and somehow things are not the awkward anymore.....of course, at first, most of them were surprised that i can speak chinese...=.=....anyway......the difference between the normal chinese and me is that they are way more hard working......and active in many things.....i gotta admit that they are the one who encourages me to take part in many things...one of the main thing is of course the St.John Ambulance..... i don't have any experience at all in a uniform unit.....i have been skipping all this ever since primary school.....but here i am....joining something i have been avoiding since young....voluntarily now.....
my first day in St.John's activity......i was so so SooooOOooo blurrr.......even the new form 1 that joined earlier than me (i joined kinda late in form 2 too) knows more stuff and all.....and the other "bad thing" on that day is, we were suppose to go for "kawad kaki" which was meant to train the seniors in giving command.....so here i am.....not knowing anything....not a single kawad command at all......what i did was just following the crowd (the form 2 chinese gang).....
little did i know that i will be very active in St.John.....at first i was just joining all "necessary activities" such as the first aid course and the NCO camp (going for corporal)......but later on (especially in form 3), i get to know more people.....more particularly a group of officers and members from gurun which were very active in St.John.....they were very nice to us and we get along well quickly......we were frequently asked to go to gurun to help them in their highway duty and also some hospital duty.....the downside of this however, is that all of that is not approved by the school.....yeah it causes lots of problems even between me and my own form St.john's members......most people view us as "sucking up" to the officers and all....but really....we were just having fun hanging out and all that...
well, despite all the active participation especially in form 3, there is a case where i would never ever forget in form 2......i did something you can say is stupid......and right up till now.....i have no idea what happened to me that night......what i was thinking and what i was doing.......we have our annual flag day of St.John where we need to collect money, and i was holding all the money in the st.john's "tabung"......all of us have a target amount to hit by the end of some time period......i wasn't sure how much my group have collected.....and i did something silly.....=.=.....i opened it up......literally......i punched a hole and take out all the money and counted it to be sure of the amount.......ZZZzzzzzZZZzzzzz.....yeah we went pass the target....but i am in deeper problems......seriously...only 1 word can describe what i had done....its called STUPID.....i was brought to the PK HEM the next day and they counted the money to make sure it is the same as i have reported (which is also stupid because if i would want to steal the money, i wouldn't have included that calculation in the amount i reported isn't it? =.=).......the good thing though.....is the St.John's president at that time.....i barely know her.....but she took all the blame for me.....saying that she didn't specifically stated everything clearly to me before that....she also managed to contact the St.John's officers and everything became normal.....oh well.....that was a bad experience....especially when i am a new member in form 2.....that's a very bad impression....(and Stupid once again).....
so that's it.....i found myself more interested in St.John's activity......and i went to every single meeting and activity in St.John.......oh well...i dare say i am one of the most active during the time....but of course, i lack experience compared to everyone else in my form who joined since form 1....by the end of form 3, i was given the post of the discipline leader....which i think is because of my strictness as a prefect instead of any St.John's related stuff......
but it doesn't look bad after some time....i became closer to the chinese group of people and somehow things are not the awkward anymore.....of course, at first, most of them were surprised that i can speak chinese...=.=....anyway......the difference between the normal chinese and me is that they are way more hard working......and active in many things.....i gotta admit that they are the one who encourages me to take part in many things...one of the main thing is of course the St.John Ambulance..... i don't have any experience at all in a uniform unit.....i have been skipping all this ever since primary school.....but here i am....joining something i have been avoiding since young....voluntarily now.....
my first day in St.John's activity......i was so so SooooOOooo blurrr.......even the new form 1 that joined earlier than me (i joined kinda late in form 2 too) knows more stuff and all.....and the other "bad thing" on that day is, we were suppose to go for "kawad kaki" which was meant to train the seniors in giving command.....so here i am.....not knowing anything....not a single kawad command at all......what i did was just following the crowd (the form 2 chinese gang).....
little did i know that i will be very active in St.John.....at first i was just joining all "necessary activities" such as the first aid course and the NCO camp (going for corporal)......but later on (especially in form 3), i get to know more people.....more particularly a group of officers and members from gurun which were very active in St.John.....they were very nice to us and we get along well quickly......we were frequently asked to go to gurun to help them in their highway duty and also some hospital duty.....the downside of this however, is that all of that is not approved by the school.....yeah it causes lots of problems even between me and my own form St.john's members......most people view us as "sucking up" to the officers and all....but really....we were just having fun hanging out and all that...
well, despite all the active participation especially in form 3, there is a case where i would never ever forget in form 2......i did something you can say is stupid......and right up till now.....i have no idea what happened to me that night......what i was thinking and what i was doing.......we have our annual flag day of St.John where we need to collect money, and i was holding all the money in the st.john's "tabung"......all of us have a target amount to hit by the end of some time period......i wasn't sure how much my group have collected.....and i did something silly.....=.=.....i opened it up......literally......i punched a hole and take out all the money and counted it to be sure of the amount.......ZZZzzzzzZZZzzzzz.....yeah we went pass the target....but i am in deeper problems......seriously...only 1 word can describe what i had done....its called STUPID.....i was brought to the PK HEM the next day and they counted the money to make sure it is the same as i have reported (which is also stupid because if i would want to steal the money, i wouldn't have included that calculation in the amount i reported isn't it? =.=).......the good thing though.....is the St.John's president at that time.....i barely know her.....but she took all the blame for me.....saying that she didn't specifically stated everything clearly to me before that....she also managed to contact the St.John's officers and everything became normal.....oh well.....that was a bad experience....especially when i am a new member in form 2.....that's a very bad impression....(and Stupid once again).....
so that's it.....i found myself more interested in St.John's activity......and i went to every single meeting and activity in St.John.......oh well...i dare say i am one of the most active during the time....but of course, i lack experience compared to everyone else in my form who joined since form 1....by the end of form 3, i was given the post of the discipline leader....which i think is because of my strictness as a prefect instead of any St.John's related stuff......
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Chapter 7-b ~Form 1~Prefects~
there is 1 incident i remember in form 1......which is quite funny to me right now......as i've said....i used to bring phones to school.....for no reason.....it is the same when i was in form 1.....this might sound weird but there is a form 5 girl who mixes with me and my friends quite a lot (no it's not a like or love story)......and to cut long story short..... after knowing each other for some time, i know that she brought her phone to school too.... then one day.....i was bored in class....so i decided to just simply miss call her a few times for fun........
About 20 minutes later.... a form 5 prefect came to the class and call for me.....asking me to surrender my phone...of course i acted dumb and pretend that i don't have it..... the only thing is....i am no longer in a primary school.....and prefects do have the rights to check my pocket and everything......but this prefect is not here for my phone only.....he was here to bring me to the discipline teacher..... hahaha.....why is it that whenever i went to a new school, i will have to see the discipline teacher in the first year itself?? lol......
so i went to the office....and then i found out everything.....this form 5 girl.....she brought her phone to school but she handed it in to the teacher because she only uses it after school.....and while i am playing my miss call game, the phone rang a few times while the teacher is teaching.....=.=.......this is just so great......lol......but no i didn't get any scolding....instead, i was told that it is exactly that reason why phones are ban from school......and i was given a chance....he let me go.......
i can actually say that this incident inspired me........ it shaped my impression on the whole prefectorial (if this is a word) body and also the teacher..... it looked different than the 1 in the primary school..... the 1 i am looking at in form 1....it looks kinda cool.....with the blue shirt (my favourite colour) and some of them with blazers..... and....they totally look like someone with power over the students....all of this made my whole 5 years in the high school different......i signed up to be a prefect......
we started out as "pengawas percubaan".....and that year was the worst and longest trial year for prefects..... we sat for few test.....wrote several essays.....attended about 3 interviews and we still need to go through up to 5 months of trial period before we actually became a prefect...... it started with 150++ people who applied and in the end, only 20 of us remained.....of cos....i love the interview part....during the interview....the senior prefects were sort of like trying to "bully" all of us 1 by 1 and there are some of us who actually cried for being bullied too badly.........and "bullying" was my past and i actually enjoyed the moment when they tried to make me scared but i am not.......it's kinda like i win and you lose...lol.... well.... a badass ain't afraid of an acting badass right?? lol.....
so....i became a prefect.....but i gotta admit...i was naive......i aimed to be a perfect one....mainly for my own satisfaction..... given a new "power" in school made me a little bit different.....i was always out there doing what i thought is "good"..... some senior prefects in form 3 actually backed me up by bringing me around confiscating stuff .....it was not long before many people started to hate me.....yes....hate is the word.... even some seniors in form 6 too....i know this because my sister so happen to be in form 6.......
but during that time....i stood by everything i do.....as i thought that whatever i do is right and good...... it was of course a naive thing..... both prefects and students looked at me negatively....the students hated me for confiscating their stuff every single day....while some prefects are thinking that i am trying to be outstanding among them so as to be chosen for some important position in the future......
yea i do admit i am hungry for power...... like i said before....i like to be the boss and not the follower.....this is particularly true when some senior just like to boss around me.....or someone in power asking us to do something which i feel is completely pointless.....i thought to myself....instead of letting others lead me blindly, why not i lead them?......yea my ego is high.......so is my naivety......it is so clear that my seniors can see where i am heading to..... i argued with some form 3 and form 5 prefects who were holding some positions...... they actually advised me to do lesser than what i am doing to avoid more hatred from people.... among all the advises, there is one from a senior which i remember...... he told me that i will surely hold some important position in the future and he said that i will definitely change and be different than what i am in form 1.......i defended myself and said that i will never allow corruption to be part of me as a prefect.....yeah i actually say that.....what do you expect from a naive form 1 prefect huh? =)
~steve~
About 20 minutes later.... a form 5 prefect came to the class and call for me.....asking me to surrender my phone...of course i acted dumb and pretend that i don't have it..... the only thing is....i am no longer in a primary school.....and prefects do have the rights to check my pocket and everything......but this prefect is not here for my phone only.....he was here to bring me to the discipline teacher..... hahaha.....why is it that whenever i went to a new school, i will have to see the discipline teacher in the first year itself?? lol......
so i went to the office....and then i found out everything.....this form 5 girl.....she brought her phone to school but she handed it in to the teacher because she only uses it after school.....and while i am playing my miss call game, the phone rang a few times while the teacher is teaching.....=.=.......this is just so great......lol......but no i didn't get any scolding....instead, i was told that it is exactly that reason why phones are ban from school......and i was given a chance....he let me go.......
i can actually say that this incident inspired me........ it shaped my impression on the whole prefectorial (if this is a word) body and also the teacher..... it looked different than the 1 in the primary school..... the 1 i am looking at in form 1....it looks kinda cool.....with the blue shirt (my favourite colour) and some of them with blazers..... and....they totally look like someone with power over the students....all of this made my whole 5 years in the high school different......i signed up to be a prefect......
we started out as "pengawas percubaan".....and that year was the worst and longest trial year for prefects..... we sat for few test.....wrote several essays.....attended about 3 interviews and we still need to go through up to 5 months of trial period before we actually became a prefect...... it started with 150++ people who applied and in the end, only 20 of us remained.....of cos....i love the interview part....during the interview....the senior prefects were sort of like trying to "bully" all of us 1 by 1 and there are some of us who actually cried for being bullied too badly.........and "bullying" was my past and i actually enjoyed the moment when they tried to make me scared but i am not.......it's kinda like i win and you lose...lol.... well.... a badass ain't afraid of an acting badass right?? lol.....
so....i became a prefect.....but i gotta admit...i was naive......i aimed to be a perfect one....mainly for my own satisfaction..... given a new "power" in school made me a little bit different.....i was always out there doing what i thought is "good"..... some senior prefects in form 3 actually backed me up by bringing me around confiscating stuff .....it was not long before many people started to hate me.....yes....hate is the word.... even some seniors in form 6 too....i know this because my sister so happen to be in form 6.......
but during that time....i stood by everything i do.....as i thought that whatever i do is right and good...... it was of course a naive thing..... both prefects and students looked at me negatively....the students hated me for confiscating their stuff every single day....while some prefects are thinking that i am trying to be outstanding among them so as to be chosen for some important position in the future......
yea i do admit i am hungry for power...... like i said before....i like to be the boss and not the follower.....this is particularly true when some senior just like to boss around me.....or someone in power asking us to do something which i feel is completely pointless.....i thought to myself....instead of letting others lead me blindly, why not i lead them?......yea my ego is high.......so is my naivety......it is so clear that my seniors can see where i am heading to..... i argued with some form 3 and form 5 prefects who were holding some positions...... they actually advised me to do lesser than what i am doing to avoid more hatred from people.... among all the advises, there is one from a senior which i remember...... he told me that i will surely hold some important position in the future and he said that i will definitely change and be different than what i am in form 1.......i defended myself and said that i will never allow corruption to be part of me as a prefect.....yeah i actually say that.....what do you expect from a naive form 1 prefect huh? =)
~steve~
Chapter 7-a ~Form 1~
ok no more April Fool jokes...... i wouldn't write my whole high school years in 1 single post...... cos there are way too many things to write....
Me and few of my friends have decided since standard 6 that we would want to remain in the same school....that is SMK Ibrahim..... most of us received offers to go into some science school but most of us rejected it..... what's better than studying near your home with all your old friends?
of cos....the new thing is, there are way more people than our old friends in school..... and the other thing is..... me and my friends came from an all boys school.... pushing us into a new environment with boys and girls is kinda....errrr.......weird??......we used to hate girls you see.... especially the girls beside our old primary school (convent)....i have no idea why and no idea how.....we just hated each other...... maybe it's cos of competition and all....i don't know.....
but here we are....in a new school.....and instead of being the most senior, we are the most junior now.... everything is so DIFFERENT.....at first, i thought that we can just continue whatever we are doing in our primary school years......but things turned out to be different.....most of us are split apart into different classes.....and school life became a totally different thing now..... we met new friends..... we play different games (you can't expect us to run around school anymore right?)......etc etc......
Apart from being a prefect, most of my life in form 1 is like standard 5.....i don't take part in anything even though the school says that it is compulsory.... i actually learnt that the school is too "stupid" to check on the students whenever they say that something is compulsory......it's just that it is too easy to escape something in school..... everything they say is just sort of to "scared" us.....and so....thinking that i can be better than the system...i decided not to join anything in form 1.....except English Society where few of my friends decided to......We get to know the seniors in this club and we actually like it a lot.......
The other thing in form 1 is girls.....Since we are from an all boys school, we find it a bit awkward to speak with girls.....of cos....that's just the start......but still we never really talk much to girls.....especially chinese girls since they are in a different class because they need to take the Chinese Language which we don't...... the chinese in my form has a name for me and my group....they call us the banana gang....=.=.....cos we are yellow outside and white inside.....though not all of us are chinese........we are referred to as that........
well....i can say that the main thing in form 1 is being a prefect....apart from that, i am very inactive in many different areas......it only starts when i enter form 2........but i'm gonna save that for the next post.....
Me and few of my friends have decided since standard 6 that we would want to remain in the same school....that is SMK Ibrahim..... most of us received offers to go into some science school but most of us rejected it..... what's better than studying near your home with all your old friends?
of cos....the new thing is, there are way more people than our old friends in school..... and the other thing is..... me and my friends came from an all boys school.... pushing us into a new environment with boys and girls is kinda....errrr.......weird??......we used to hate girls you see.... especially the girls beside our old primary school (convent)....i have no idea why and no idea how.....we just hated each other...... maybe it's cos of competition and all....i don't know.....
but here we are....in a new school.....and instead of being the most senior, we are the most junior now.... everything is so DIFFERENT.....at first, i thought that we can just continue whatever we are doing in our primary school years......but things turned out to be different.....most of us are split apart into different classes.....and school life became a totally different thing now..... we met new friends..... we play different games (you can't expect us to run around school anymore right?)......etc etc......
Apart from being a prefect, most of my life in form 1 is like standard 5.....i don't take part in anything even though the school says that it is compulsory.... i actually learnt that the school is too "stupid" to check on the students whenever they say that something is compulsory......it's just that it is too easy to escape something in school..... everything they say is just sort of to "scared" us.....and so....thinking that i can be better than the system...i decided not to join anything in form 1.....except English Society where few of my friends decided to......We get to know the seniors in this club and we actually like it a lot.......
The other thing in form 1 is girls.....Since we are from an all boys school, we find it a bit awkward to speak with girls.....of cos....that's just the start......but still we never really talk much to girls.....especially chinese girls since they are in a different class because they need to take the Chinese Language which we don't...... the chinese in my form has a name for me and my group....they call us the banana gang....=.=.....cos we are yellow outside and white inside.....though not all of us are chinese........we are referred to as that........
well....i can say that the main thing in form 1 is being a prefect....apart from that, i am very inactive in many different areas......it only starts when i enter form 2........but i'm gonna save that for the next post.....
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Chapter 6 ~i wish~
oh well....it's like already 4 years now since i left my high school.....but those memories are still crystal clear in my mind......my whole big family was from Alor Star....i would go back to visit my relatives about twice a month.....at about 15 years old (form 3), i was kinda free after my PMR and therefore i helped out my aunt in her restaurant at Alor Star.....
sometimes, my cousin and her friends were helping out there too (the restaurant is quite big).....no doubt we became a bunch of "good friends"....till the stage i doubt we were helping out my aunt....lol.....it looks like we caused more trouble there......whenever we met, we would joke and play around and laugh non-stop.....the customers would then look at us one kind.....like as though we were nuts.....
i have kept this to myself for years....but i guess i'm "mature" enough to admit something now......i was quite close to one of my cousin's friend (a girl of course).....though we met only like once every two weeks, we do text each other a lot.....that is how i develop my quick texting habits.....people used to say that my sms reply was fast.....that's all thanks to her....we have a silly deal between us.....if either of us fail to reply each other within 2 minutes of sms before we say goodbye, we will have to act like crazy kids in my aunt 'restaurant.....and trust me....my aunt don't like this idea........and also thanks to this silly idea, we texted each other way too much.....though its only 1 sen a text (Digi Friends and Family Package...lol), i will spend at least a dollar day.....that's at least 100 sms.......
of course, such thing would not go unnoticed, my cousin knew it......and we got teased a lot......back then, i was too shy to admit.....all i do was to deny it and just say that we texted the same amount to everyone......this goes on until i was in form 4.....my aunt moved to KL and thus the restaurant were closed.......this stopped me from meeting her again......
but during those moments, social networking is becoming part of any teenager's life.....we chatted a lot on MSN........we share our secrets and problems.......but i am just too stupid or scared or silly to admit that i actually liked her.....not even after one incident.....
i went back to Alor Star to my cousin's house and she was there at the same time.....my cousin pulled me into her room and asked me straight to my face....do i like her.....of course, being me, i denied it....my cousin told me that she told my cousin that she liked me (sounds very typical of girls eh?).....yea my face was red.....but i kept denying it.....we went out and hang out as usual....but she looked sad (i think she know what i told my cousin).....
later at night, she texted me......this is the time i did something which i really regretted today......she told me directly she liked me......the first thing which is wrong bout me, is that i didn't make the 1st move.....and the second thing is, even after she admitted first, i was still afraid of it......haihhhh....that's how silly of me.....i replied to her that we can at most be friends.....even though deep down inside, i know that we can be more than that......
after that night, everything between us became very awkward.......we started to share and chat lesser.....until 1 day i got a last text message from her.....which i will never ever forget....she said "i am sorry steve, but it is too painful for me to continue on like this".....right after that, she changed her phone number and email address, and i never talked to her ever again.......sure there are chances that if i visit my cousin she will be there, but right after this incident, i was even afraid to visit my cousin........
oh well.....looking back at it today, it was really very very silly to do what i have done.....i've never met anyone like her in my life......someone where i can talk about anything and everything and can understand each other......someone where i don't feel shy to admit and share all my mistakes and problems to.....someone who can make me happy even when i am sad......i haven't seen her for about 5 years already.....but yet, i can still remember her face....i have no idea where she is now....nor do i have the guts to ask my cousin about her.......seriously....that's the worst mistake i've ever made in my life......and right now....i think i am mature enough to admit it.....to say that i am a silly and stupid person once.....to let go of such opportunity.....
i wish i could turn back time and say that i am sorry....i wish i could change history and be a different person now......i wish.....but after all, i reap what i sow.....what's in the past is in the past......i have no choice but to let it go.......all i can say now are just two words.....~i wish~
~steve~
**this post is written on April 1st 2012......to all readers of this post....Happy April Fool.....=)
sometimes, my cousin and her friends were helping out there too (the restaurant is quite big).....no doubt we became a bunch of "good friends"....till the stage i doubt we were helping out my aunt....lol.....it looks like we caused more trouble there......whenever we met, we would joke and play around and laugh non-stop.....the customers would then look at us one kind.....like as though we were nuts.....
i have kept this to myself for years....but i guess i'm "mature" enough to admit something now......i was quite close to one of my cousin's friend (a girl of course).....though we met only like once every two weeks, we do text each other a lot.....that is how i develop my quick texting habits.....people used to say that my sms reply was fast.....that's all thanks to her....we have a silly deal between us.....if either of us fail to reply each other within 2 minutes of sms before we say goodbye, we will have to act like crazy kids in my aunt 'restaurant.....and trust me....my aunt don't like this idea........and also thanks to this silly idea, we texted each other way too much.....though its only 1 sen a text (Digi Friends and Family Package...lol), i will spend at least a dollar day.....that's at least 100 sms.......
of course, such thing would not go unnoticed, my cousin knew it......and we got teased a lot......back then, i was too shy to admit.....all i do was to deny it and just say that we texted the same amount to everyone......this goes on until i was in form 4.....my aunt moved to KL and thus the restaurant were closed.......this stopped me from meeting her again......
but during those moments, social networking is becoming part of any teenager's life.....we chatted a lot on MSN........we share our secrets and problems.......but i am just too stupid or scared or silly to admit that i actually liked her.....not even after one incident.....
i went back to Alor Star to my cousin's house and she was there at the same time.....my cousin pulled me into her room and asked me straight to my face....do i like her.....of course, being me, i denied it....my cousin told me that she told my cousin that she liked me (sounds very typical of girls eh?).....yea my face was red.....but i kept denying it.....we went out and hang out as usual....but she looked sad (i think she know what i told my cousin).....
later at night, she texted me......this is the time i did something which i really regretted today......she told me directly she liked me......the first thing which is wrong bout me, is that i didn't make the 1st move.....and the second thing is, even after she admitted first, i was still afraid of it......haihhhh....that's how silly of me.....i replied to her that we can at most be friends.....even though deep down inside, i know that we can be more than that......
after that night, everything between us became very awkward.......we started to share and chat lesser.....until 1 day i got a last text message from her.....which i will never ever forget....she said "i am sorry steve, but it is too painful for me to continue on like this".....right after that, she changed her phone number and email address, and i never talked to her ever again.......sure there are chances that if i visit my cousin she will be there, but right after this incident, i was even afraid to visit my cousin........
oh well.....looking back at it today, it was really very very silly to do what i have done.....i've never met anyone like her in my life......someone where i can talk about anything and everything and can understand each other......someone where i don't feel shy to admit and share all my mistakes and problems to.....someone who can make me happy even when i am sad......i haven't seen her for about 5 years already.....but yet, i can still remember her face....i have no idea where she is now....nor do i have the guts to ask my cousin about her.......seriously....that's the worst mistake i've ever made in my life......and right now....i think i am mature enough to admit it.....to say that i am a silly and stupid person once.....to let go of such opportunity.....
i wish i could turn back time and say that i am sorry....i wish i could change history and be a different person now......i wish.....but after all, i reap what i sow.....what's in the past is in the past......i have no choice but to let it go.......all i can say now are just two words.....~i wish~
~steve~
**this post is written on April 1st 2012......to all readers of this post....Happy April Fool.....=)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)